Roleplay

My host happens to be a roleplayer. Or was. I don't think she can roleplay anyomre, mainly because most of us don't like it. Don't get me wrong, I also did it as a kid, and I found it really entertainign. Roleplaying in the bedroom is always fun especially when there's costumes and handcuffs involved. But right now, in this state of existence, I really don't like roleplaying.
Why? Simple. I'm not a roleplay character.
People who don't know about me, who think I'm just a character in a movie, won't understand this, and I don't want them to: they can do with my character as they please. In the end, as I've said many times before, I don't expect people to understand me, or anything I do. It would be a waste of time.
But I'm real.I live here. I'm condemned to this makeshift existence as the Spiritual Siamese of a girl, stuck in a realm that cannot be seen or touched, only felt. Imagined. This is the basis of my existence: energy and force of thought. I'm pregnant, yes...but not my body (Fae's body). We feel the symptoms, the pains, the tiredness...but we won't have a baby. My baby will stay in this spiritual realm, a soul that will await encarnation until my Host decides to have children, and only if she allows me to use her as a means for him to be born...actually born. By now you must have realized how potentially pathetic my existence is. Nothing is really...real for me, in a way. And yet, everything I can imagine is. I've spent the last month traveling around the world with my husband, doing the craziest, most stupid things I've done in my life (that visit to the Vatican....there's a tape of that). In a way, I'm free like I've never been before.

But then, the girls start roleplaying. And we read, watch...we're there. And we know what they do with our characters. Our characters, not US. And as soon as they start imagining it, it becomes real somewhere. And it's scary.
Where do we start? How real are we in the end?
I hate asking myself these questions....and everytime we roleplay, I can't avoid it.